People often ask, “Why put yourself through IVF? Why not just adopt?” I understand why they ask — adoption is a beautiful, loving option and it’s something I’m open to. But it’s easy to suggest solutions when you haven’t lived my life. Wanting a biological child is not about discounting adopted children; it’s about a deep, personal longing to carry a baby, to hold my child and wonder if they have my eyes or their dad’s smile. I’ve tried for years to conceive naturally, faced repeated miscarriage, and live with PCOS. I’m also in my 40s, and my biological clock is real. IVF gives me a chance now that I might not have later. My plan includes fostering and adopting in the future, but first I want to try for a child of my own.
Losing my daughter shattered me. That loss made every dream I’d held about motherhood feel urgent and fragile. Grief has been hard to face; I used to stay busy to avoid the pain. Now I’m trying to do better — to sit with my feelings, get support, and heal. I’ll continue therapy, lean on my loved ones, and use this blog to process what I’m going through and to help others who might relate.
Practical changes are coming too. I plan to leave my current job to reset and focus on my health and fertility journey before starting a new role as a teacher. Life has never been easy for me, and I know many things require more work for some of us than for others. Even so, I’ve proven I can keep going: returning to college and finishing my degree despite everything has shown me I’m resilient. I will fight for this dream, whether or not others understand.
This choice is personal and complicated — not a rejection of adoption, but a step I need to take for myself. I’m sharing this to be honest about why I’ve chosen IVF, how I’m coping, and how I plan to move forward with hope and intention. — Ailleen
ailleenfamily 